How Do You Make Your Boundaries Clear To A Manipulative Person?

We have all been “abandoned” by a manipulative person at some point in our lives.

Instead of feeling ashamed or trying to hide it, we need to understand some things. First, you must recognize that a manipulative person is not able to recognize these dynamics, strategies or resources. Usually they are applied with a subtle skill.

The first time we don’t see it coming. Maybe we are still young at that time. Or maybe it’s because we don’t have much life experience and don’t know the profile of a manipulative person yet.

However, after this first lesson, after this early experience, we must take in and review all the data. That means every act, every word and every gesture. Why is this necessary? In this way we learn to identify new behaviors and learn how to set boundaries and build a defensive barrier.

At the same time, we must not forget that these kinds of experiences always happen for a reason, which is to learn. In this way we are more able to overcome new obstacles in our path. Next, let’s take a look at what it means to have more integrity and experience more satisfaction.

Why do we allow a manipulative person to play us over and over again?

Some people stumble over the same obstacle over and over: they allow themselves to be consciously manipulated over and over again. Over and over, they end up in the same kind of relationship.

Why is this happening? How can this dynamic be explained psychologically? 

• People who allow themselves to be manipulated need constant positive affirmation.
• Manipulative persons will do this. In the beginning of the relationship, they like this tactic. They flatter you and give you a lot of positive affirmation to get what they want.

This kind of behavior is very enticing to someone who needs to be praised.

• But there is another aspect that explains this voluntary surrender to manipulation. These people don’t really know how to feel loved or respected.
• Sometimes they have never had a strong and decent bond with anyone, not even in the family.

They “hunger” for love. From this feeling they are able to accept any “substitute”. This happens despite the very terrible side effects.

The last “drop” that runs out of patience

So we need to do something before we become sad addicts of these kinds of relationships that are ambiguous, calculating and false. We need to get rid of this manipulation that keeps us connected to certain people.

There is always a “last drop” that will break your patience. In other words, this means that everyone must find their own impassable boundary that no one is allowed to cross.

• No one should make you believe that you are incapable or ineffective. And no one should tell you that you are inept or do not deserve to achieve your goals.
• In addition, no one should be allowed to violate your personal rights. By that we mean the right to speak, to express one’s opinion, the ability to act and decide.
• No one should attack or trivialize your values, ideas or beliefs.
• No one should make you feel inferior.
• There is no one who has authority over you.
• And no one should touch a single thread of the beautiful fabric that is your confidence.

Take a moment to consider each aspect from this list. Because every aspect is a drop that will eventually overflow the bucket of your patience. And you have to encourage yourself to respond.

We let ourselves be manipulated once and then never again

The art of manipulation is very common. But that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

• Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is a habit. With this behavior, someone tries to influence your way of acting or manipulate the emotions of other people for his or her own interest.

You find this behavior in relationships, friendships, family ties and also at work.

• What we need to do is learn to identify and respond to these mechanisms.

• In fact, doing this has nothing to do with a selfish or exaggerated act. It is instead an act of physical, mental and emotional well-being.

We speak of a “selfish and exaggerated act” because it is quite normal for the person to try to set limits. But a manipulative person may view this with suspicion or with a lack of confidence.

As a result, they often say the following things:  “Of course I want the best for you, you’re wrong, you have little faith in me, or, look how little you appreciate what I do for you.”

Saying “no” in time to save lives

This is without a doubt the first principle that we need to implement in our daily lives: say “no” in time to avoid more problems in the long run.

• If you don’t like something or it makes you feel uncomfortable, say it out loud. That way, other people know exactly what your limits are.

Do what is right and good for you

We should never give in to something that doesn’t feel right to us. It doesn’t matter if it’s your partner, your brother or your father who asks you something that goes against your principles or values.

If we don’t feel comfortable, if we don’t like it, or if it annoys us, we don’t do it.

I am not an “easy target”

We may be a so-called “easy target” at some point in our lives.

• We were a person who was easy to manipulate. Or we were a person who said “yes” when we wanted to say “no” or vice versa.

• This is now a thing of the past. We must give our minds strength, our hearts courage, and our self-confidence dignity.
• No one deserves to be manipulated or fed with false love. And no one deserves to be treated with poisonous love and a hidden motive.

We will respond.

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